Visite Medicale

I just got back from the infamous "visite medicale"

The French government makes you go to a doctors appointment before they grant you a visa to stay here for a year. I've heard horrors of this medical visit since I first decided to come to France for a year. The way it works is that the government assigns you a date and time for the appointment -that you absolutely cannot change no matter what, and once you go, your visa is validated. The problem is that they don't really give you the date ahead of time. You get two weeks notice and thats it. So many of my friends have had to cancel or delay trips because of the stupid visit, that Boston College and my university here, Sciences-po both advise you not to leave the country before your visit is done. Lucky for me, I got my date two weeks ago, and it did not interfere with any trips or major events. Little did I know that the worse was still to come..... Here is a list that I composed while waiting for hours at the "doctor's office".


What the French government needs to know about your health:

Hearing:

-How many times can we butcher your name before you stop recognizing it all together?
- Can you understand us when we bark weird, muffled medical terms at you? What if we yell louder? And louder?

Physical resilience:

- Can you sit or stand for 3 hours straight while we wait to call you?
- Can you not eat for 5 hours straight because you assumed that a 15 minute consultation would not go through lunch AND dinner?
-Can you take paying one euro for the worst coffee of your life?
- Can you take paying another euro for the worst hot chocolate of your life?


Psychological stability:

- How strong is your self confidence? Did you ACTUALLY think you could speak our beautiful language?

- Can you walk into a huge room filled with technicians, topless for an X-ray exam?

- How many times can we correct your pronunciation of the alphabet in French during an eye exam before you have the urge to kick us?

-When you don't understand our complicated french, can you take us reminding you that you are in FRANCE where we speak FRENCH and not english, even though you know that every single one of us speaks english fluently?

If so, then you are ready for the french medical exam.

On the plus side, I got an Xray of my lungs- to keep!